Week 03


Noteworthy Happenings in Week 03

Texas, Oregon and West Virginia are 4-0.

CSU is 0-4.

The Eagles unveil their rippin' throwback jerseys.

Depressed over the state of his fantasy team, Lombarchi changes his team's "Smack Talk" to: How high's the water, Mama? 6 ft. high and risin.'

Notable Waiver Adds

Player Adds or Drops Owner:
     
Add Antwaan Randle El Ben Wiltonsburg
Drop Antwaan Randle El Ben Wiltonsburg
Add Kurt Warner Bart Lombarchi

 

Message Boards

Re: zzzzz is a genius
by: Johnny Ryder (Barchi's Chin)
Sep 17


Don't give him too much credit. There was approximately one available starting QB on the waiver wires. Beggars can't be choosers.

Re: country roads....
by: Izzy Harkleman (1 (900) MIX-ALOT)
Sep 17


After seeing the abortion of a team I have in FF this year, I am looking forward to joining Clara, Timmeeee, Wilco and Concepcion in the AAA league next year. Clearly I can't compete at this level-- but that does NOT change the fact that you all suck.

At least I got to enjoy the UO student section chanting "mow my lawn, mow my lawn" at the Fresno State fans on Saturday. Good times.


Fed is the man
by: Nick Wentworth (Jay DeMerit Rules)
Sep 17

 

Austin City Limits was pretty much the best weekend of my life. I didn't get home til 4:30 Monday morning and had to work at 8:00 but I don't care it was awesome.
Thanks again Fed.

I like that attitude, Nick
by: Mark Federov (Ron Popeil)
Sep 18


This league would certainly be better if everyone were as wise and as sociable as you. Good job.

I'd like to note for everyone, in case you hadn't noted for yourself, that Carson Palmer is a fucking monster.

I'd further like to note especially for Bart that LaMont Jordan and Eli Manning are awesome and are sitting on my bench. Nice job passing on the six trades I offered you. Your team is looking good. However. I will say that "More Lanyards" is already my favorite play of modern times. Your genius appears well suited to that medium; if I were your career counselor, I would target 'Author' over 'General Manager'.

Sammy may be a genius, but he's a genius who's 1-1. So he can suck it.

Where the fuck is Jon??? I totally understand his lack of football knowledge and skill, but his absence from the boards is somewhat unsettling.

In conclusion, I got engaged yesterday. In lieu of wedding presents, I'd like 2008 draft picks. Wait, I'd better run that by the new boss.

Re: I like that attitude, Nick
by: Bart Lombarchi (The Hindenburg)
Sep 18


First off, Nick, it's customary to add (Paid Endorsement) after posts of that nature.

Lamont Jordan and Eli? My little rowboat may be taking on a lot of water, but I've still got my dignity.

iHark, I'll see you in Davey Jones' Locker shortly. Save me a seat. And not the one that has Johnny's ass groove.

My next play is almost finished. It's currently titled, "Cricket In the Park: Luca1 Grabs a Shovel."

Money Update
by: Bart Lombarchi (The Hindenburg)
Sep 18


Jon and aHark are in.

Hosers:

iHark
Miles
Nick
Sammy

Just fuckin' get your money in, eh?

Re: I like that attitude, Nick
by: Jon Garciaparra (testicular fortitude)
Sep 18


I am still here. I am just awestruck by the level of verbal sparring. and i had a small stroke when i heard you got engaged. is she cool with the special "arrangement" you and Johnny have?

i am anxiously awaiting the final entry in Barts trilogy
episode one being more lanyards
episode two cricket in the park: luca grabs a shovel.

episode three pretty busy pumpkin festival, huh! Saladin2 almost rearends a civic and jarvis3 hooks up with young ricki lake. coming spring 2008 before the SAG strike.

Re: I like that attitude, Nick
by: Jon Garciaparra (testicular fortitude)
Sep 18 11:11am


yes i realize that SAG refers to film actors and not stage actors, i am predicting that Cricket in the park will be such a success that pumpkin festival goes straight to DVD!! it will be this decades Honey I shrunk the kids!

Re: pretty busy pumpkin festival, huh!
by: Bart Lombarchi (The Hindenburg)
Sep 18


Nice. I was going to go with "Coastal Access: Driving Back From the Jewish Comedy Festival," but yours has more zing.

Re: pretty busy pumpkin festival, huh!
by: Johnny Ryder (Barchi's Chin)
Sep 19


I have no idea what any of you are talking about. Jon enters and all becomes metaphor and innuendo. Stop it.

What isn't going to stop is Austin's winning ways. By my count, the city totals are as follows:

Austin: 4-0

Albuquerque: 3-1 (I'm assuming Rey Bowen actually lives in burque)

Ft.Collins/Boulder: 2-2 (hate to say it, but they soon will be the same thing).

Calif., rest of texas, oregon and Utah: 1-7 (who cares which city they are in. They obviously suck.)

I have no idea what the point of that was.

But it was fun.

Boo Nick. Boo this man. Boo.
by: Izzy Harkleman (1 (900) MIX-ALOT)
Sep 19


This league, and certainly not this league message board, are places for niceties, thank yous, salutations or kudos.

We are here for good ol' fashioned shit talking (your mom is a whore, by the way), exploration of modern theatre and the occasional engagement announcement.

Get your shit together.

P.S. Is it still hot and humid in Houston?

5 feet high....and rising
by: Johnny Ryder (Barchi's Chin)
Sep 19


Barchi--love the nod to j.cash.

But I believe in the song, he never goes over 5 feet high...

I guess it is just that bad for you.

fuck all your mothers.

kisses

J

re: Austin 4-0
by: Ben Wiltonsburg (Noel Devine)
Sep 19 11:07pm


I didn't know this was a regional buddy league. 2-0, each of you "keep Austin weird roommates"...that's real impressive.

You know who else is 2-0? The Washington Redskins, the Houston Texans, and the Detroit Lions. How do those teams usually finish?

Enjoy the fast start. I think the Ft. Collins/Boulder region is working on its 4th championship in a row.

Fed, I hope you keep winning long enough that you stick around on the message boards to at least send out the wedding invitation. You may be engaged, but you will always be a thesbian in my heart.

Abe, one loss and you stop posting?

Hey Izzy, "is rey Bowen de burque" Clara in disguise? I mean, zero moves, zero posts on the message board. Sounds awfully familiar.

Lombarchi, nice optimism, glass is half empty I guess.....jesus.

Re: 5 feet high....and rising
by: Bart Lombarchi (The Hindenburg)
Sep 19


I won't lie, I was in a pretty dark place yesterday. When I read that Jones-Drew went in for x-rays, the despair was so great that I almost went with "When It's Springtime in Alaska."

But then I realized that you never make the playoffs, Jon can't start all three of his kickers, and Nick and iHark are dead men walking.

Suddenly things don't looks so bad.

Back in this bitches.

Trade Announcement:

With both their teams at 0-2, Izzy and Bart commit to making the rarely seen "double panic trade." Also known as rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.

Izzy trades : Bart trades:
   
Drew Brees Carnell Williams
Deion Branch David Garrard
Brandon Jacobs Bernard Berrian

 

 

were (intentional) do i begin?
by: Sammy Walton (snooze)
Sep 20


i guess with an apology for my absence from the board, but while it possible to use the old mouse while nolding Lori it is impossible to type. so, point being, is i've kept up.
first off the debacle of the CU game is still fresh in my mind but so are the other 3 in which we essentially won and yet the mark goes in the loss column. but at least it's not only me and Johnny's fleeting memory of it (along with his fleeting hair color) who know the dispicable, putrid smell that comes from those shitheads in black and gold now. Ben has proudly joined in the hatred. but what is that different about WVU fan and FSU fan: self-made jean shorts, chew stained sleves, and poor hygiene; oh, yellow and black vs. yellow and burgundy.
yardbird, very little makes me more angry than someone claiming they are the number one bud drinker on my message board, in MY fantasy league, drink off next summer (Fed your invited too, just in hopes of horse noises).
Johnny that very little i was talking about was you calling out my demise and staking claim to MY fantasy league (ok Ben has partial ownership right now). you suck. and just for that statement i've managed to save up a whole bunch of Lori's #2 diapers for you engagement present. expect it soon. sorry about the eagles being a bunch of worn down losers, but i guess you saw that coming for the last decade. they suck and the cowboys are taking back what is rightfully their's, and no Ben the redskins aren't good either, and no Harklemans the donkey's aren't either. i give cutler two more years in the league and one as a back up.
Harkleman you're not really getting excited about the ducks are you, we've been thru this before, every season. it was fun watching them beat up on the wolverines though. how's Pat doing, i'm still angry about the lake tell him.
fe-di-fo-fum i'm not going to get on you too bad in light of your happy news, but if your going to screw with the integrity of the draft by being a little fagot and drafting all the QB's, while watching gilmore girls and eating sherbert, naked with Johnny, then just dont participate int he draft next year. that's bullshit.
Bartyou'reaterdandithinkmypatheticteambeatyourteamsasslastw eek,butatleastutahembarrassedapac10teamyou'rehappyabouthatri ght?
Ben, a shit we've got all year and Lori just woke up.
rest assured though the front range region is well prepared to dominate, agian. i have the TICKET (which i bring the second TV into the living room to watch it with) again so don't think i'm going anywhere. yes my team sucks, but to be honest this is the third year in a row that it has, so what does that say about all of you. later losers.

Re: Boo Nick. Boo this man. Boo.
by: Nick Wentworth (Jay DeMerit Rules)
Sep 20


Sorry asshole (is that better?) that I had one of the best weekends of my life (resulting in hands down by far the worst following week of my life) and I wanted to let everyone know that they missed out.

Re: Boo Nick. Boo this man. Boo.
by: Nick Wentworth (Jay DeMerit Rules)
Sep 20


Izzy, just to give you a small idea of how fucking humid it is here. In 25 years of living in the 505 at an average rainfall of 7.5 inches a year, that would account for 187.5 inches. So far this year, Houston has recieved almost 60 inches...60 fucking inches of rain. And the god damn year isn't even close to over. I walk from my front door to my car (about 20 feet) and I am already sweating. I want to move to Austin.

Johnny has a wounded chest
by: Abe Harkleman (Henry's 9 babies)
Sep 20 12:01pm


Not only does Johnny need a new roommate, I can catch a can better, I am going to ruin him this week and knock him off his high horse, he has to watch his team loose again wearing this shit-

http://deadspin.com/sports/do-not-adjust-your-set/looking-sh arp-philadelphia-301841.php

Ouch bro..

Fed way to go, I wonder if she would still marry you if she saw you getting kicked by my girlfriend down at the lake. You drink like a little girl.

Izzy not only traded me Moss he is also bald.

Ben, Bart, Jon, Sam way to go being married and or living with your chicks, do they even let you watch football or do you have to go to the weekly farmers Market.

Sam I am proud of your 2 tv's but step up to a DVR then talk to me. I tape every morning show, NFL live, pre game and every game.

#1 NFL fan
#1 can catcher
#1 Budweiser drinker

How was that burn Ben? I'm ain't going nowhere (Big Pun, RIP) straight back up top bitches.

Re: Johnny has a wounded chest
by: Sammy Walton (snooze)
Sep 20


42 inch plasma with HD-DVR, yardbird take that. Johnny is a gay, Fed can't drink, Izzy bald(-er than me), and me #1 NFL fan, beer drinker, fantasy footballer. can't claim the can catcher.

Re: Johnny has a wounded chest
by: Johnny Ryder (Barchi's Chin)
Sep 20


Jesus, what is this, attack of the illiterate clones? Walton and aHark should join forces and write a daily column for Yahoo FF. It would be called:

"Bringin' the Boyz: Don never loose game again."

Can't you see it? Chock full of great FF advice for all the mentally impaired players. In their voice. For their people. Every Sunday right after the games start.

I'll give yahoo a call. They seem to be full of jackasses, but Im sure a couple more can't hurt.

Walton- The Cowboys are doing well, and I am loving the fact that Romo is a stud, but get real--we all know what will happen when it is all on the line...the cowboys will choke, again. Don't get your hopes up.

The Eagles got unlucky the first game and were one dropped pass away from taking the second. Just wait until McNabb unleashes all of his racial fury on the rest of the league. It starts this weekend. 35+ points. Mark it down.

Dont have time to hate on the rest of you. But just know you all suck sweaty monkey balls.

Re: Bringin' the Boyz: Don never loose game again
by: Bart Lombarchi (The Hindenburg)
Sep 20

Golf clap.

Re: Johnny has a wounded chest
by: Sammy Walton (snooze)
Sep 21


Johnny do you still have a crush on that girl from the hansens?
that should just about do it.

weekend predictions
by: Ben Wiltonsburg (Noel Devine)
Sep 21


Oregon 25 - Stanford 7
Texas 11 - Rice 10 1/2
Sacramento State 2 - UNM 1
CSU 21 - Houston 20 (first win in 10 games)
Harvard 10 - Buffalo Bills 7
Slaton/White/Devine 82 - East Carolina 3
Naropa vs Metro State postponed due to unruly MSU fans
Yankees take the divison lead over the Red Sox
Noel Devine 180 - Vaginal fortitude 175

Upset special of the week: The Hindenburg or Jay Demerit Rules wins their first game of the season (oh wait, they're playing each other...maybe it will be a tie)

After acquiring Kelly Holcomb and Correll Buchalter, Ryder proves that he is still capable of making all the right moves in order to miss the playoffs for a third straight year.

Re: weekend predictions
by: Izzy Harkleman (Business Time)
Sep 21


(1) Ducks beat Stanford by and college gameday makes preparations for a trip to eugene for Cal's visit next week

(2) Johnny drinks way too many strawberry margaritas to try to forget the way that Fedy's engagement makes him feel inside (used up, like his mom).

(3) Ben goes to a Naropa "university" tailgate for the affirmative action sit-in (let in more rich white kids from Vermont, as well as Connecticut) and can't get anyone to share his WV moonshine.

(4) Abe misses the Broncos game because of the horrible, underwear ruining case of diarrhea he gets from the bag of oranges he buys off the guy on the offramp

(5) Miles has his weekly meeting with Clara, Wilco, Timmeeee and Concepcion on ways NOT to take part in this league.

(6) Nick wakes up, goes outside, is amazed by the heat and humidity of Houston and says something nice about Mark.

(7) Bart goes to a organic Market, rubs his wife's feet while listening to her complain about not being richer, walks his rat of a dog (even coming from a Harkleman) , does sixteen hours of yardwork to avoid his wife and continues not doing anything he likes doing... oops, that's what Higgins4 is doing this weekend, not Bart. My bad.

(8) Fedy sits quietly in a darkened room and tries not to get hurt.

(9) Jon takes a nice nap while wearing a sombrero and poncho leaning back on a sahuaro cactus.

(10) Sammy loses to me, because there is no way Derek Anderson does that again.

Repeat after me...
by: Bart Lombarchi (The Hindenburg)
Sep 21


Izzy - I, Yardbird, will continue making fun of Higgins whenever possible. In between making fun of Higgins, I will get off my ass and cut the participatory check of $25 dollars. Or use paypal. Whatever I deem easiest.

Sammy - I, Sammy Walton, will no longer wash my anti-dementia medication down with absinthe. In addition, I will fulfill my debts to this league I claim to love by paying $25 dollars via paypal and not a check caked in baby shit.

Nick - I, Nick, will refrain from posting about any more mundane features of my daily life. In addition, I will pay the $25 dollars owed to the league. It shouldn't be hard, considering that Federov comped my entire ACL weekend. I will now remove my shirt in preparation for Miles's appearance.

Miles - I, Miles, will come forth from Nick's chest, like Kuato from Total Recall, pay the $25 dollars owed the league and the descend back into the darkness of Nick's chest cavity.

top 10 college football names 2007
by: Ben Wiltonsburg (Noel Devine)
Sep 23


10. Guesly Dervil...West Virginia
9. Co-Eric Riley...Miss State
8. Mister Alexander...Fl State
7. Neefy Moffett...Fl State
6. Foswhitt Whittaker....Texas
5. Quindarius Carr...Auburn
4. Sen'Derrick Marks...Auburn
3. De'Cody Fagg...Fl State
2. Knowshown Moreno...Georgia
1. Rodgeriqus Smith...Auburn

Feel free to add to the list if you think you've got something better.

Craphonso Thorpe still holds the title as all time greatest name, but I think Knowshown and Rodgeriqus come in a close second.

Re: top 10 college football names 2007
by: Bart Lombarchi (The Hindenburg)
Sep 23


My favorite so far is a CB for South Carolina:

Captain Munnerlyn

Re: top 10 college football names 2007
by: Izzy Harkleman (Business Time)
Sep 24


Missed a big one;

British Footman, FSU (of course)
Bonus points for currently being on suspension for his bar fight arrest.

Keep a lookout from your hot and/or humid abodes this weekend for me jumping up and down behind Corso and Herbstreet during ESPN Gameday in Eugene this weekend. Sure, I'm 0-3 in FF but can YOU hold "Couldn't Get into Stanford" sign on basic cable? Noooo.

I should come in super extra bald on one of Sammy's seven 54" HD DVD DirectTV Satellite TVs.

Suck it.

Guess the player...
by: Izzy Harkleman (Business Time)
Sep 24


From Yahoo! Sports little burning news icon:
__________ continues to be one of the bigger fantasy disappointments in the early going.

If you guessed any six of my ten starters you would be correct.

Your prize is a handjob by Johnny's mom behind Quarters Liqueur off Yale.

Re: Repeat after me...
by: Nick Wentworth (Jay DeMerit Rules)
Sep 24


Bart, I can't send you money yet because you haven't gotten back to me about where to send it. Plus my team is the worst, I didn't even crack the hundred point mark this week. I think I am going to pull out of this league.
Plus you suck.

Re: Repeat after me...
by: Bart Lombarchi (The Hindenburg)
Sep 24


Hi, Nick.

Send your check to:

1060 West Addison
SLC, UT 84110

Or go to paypal.com and send it to <link redacted>.

And, I wouldn't worry about starting 0-3. At least one team a year starts out 0-3 and goes on to make the playoffs. Plus, Jon and Johnny have yet to make the playoffs and Harkleman's and my squad are unbelievably terrible. So, I figure you aren't out of it until you're 0-7.

Finally, I know you're partial to Mark after the ACL experience, but I think we can agree that he sucks more than I do.

Next week, Federov. Next week.

Minutia

1 One of the Stellini brothers.

2 Old chum. Lived at Bonita.

3 Old chum. Tendency to hook up with fat chicks in his mid 20s.

4 Old chum. Lived at Bonita. Got married and no longer talks to former buddies. Bravo.

 

Week 03 Fantasy Football Scores

Teams:
Points:
 
A. Harkleman
170.76
Ryder
194.23
 
Federov
155.33
Miles
137.63
 
Wiltonsburg
119.3
Garciaparra
135.97
 
Nick
95.03
Lombarchi
101.77
 
I. Harkleman
91.3
Sammy
197.03

 

Standings After Week 03

Team Wins Losses
     
Mark Federov 3 0
Johnny Ryder 3 0
Miles Bowen 2 1
Sammy Walton 2 1
Jon Garciaparra 2 1
Abe Harkleman 1 2
Ben Wiltonsburg 1 2
Brad Lombarchi 1 2
Izzy Harkleman 0 3
Nick Wentworth 0 3

 

<--Week 02

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