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Post-Draft

Noteworthy Happenings Post-Draft

Five of the ten league owners were unable or forgot to attend the draft and their teams were selected by the computer. As the league starts two quarterbacks and QBs are also the highest scoring players, Mark Federov's draft strategy quickly switches to drafting as many QBs as possible in anticipation of holding these teams hostage. He then proceeds to bombard all five with crappy trade offers. Hilarity doesn't ensue.

Notable Waiver Adds and Drops

Player Adds or Drops		Owner:

Add	Wes Welker	Ben Wiltonsburg
Add	Derek Anderson	Bart Lombarchi
Drop	Derek Anderson	Bart Lombarchi
Add	Derek Anderson	Sammy Walton
Add	David Garrard	Bart Lombarchi
Add	Fred Taylor	Sammy Walton
Drop	Fred Taylor	Sammy Walton
Drop	Kurt Warner	Bart Lombarchi

Message Boards

Sammy, let me know when you want to trade for a QB
by: Mark Federov (Ron Popeil)
Aug 21

You need it.

Ben, let me know when you want to trade for a QB
by: Mark Federov (Ron Popeil)
Aug 21

You need it too.

Bart, let me know when you want to trade for a QB.
by: Mark Federov (Ron Popeil)
Aug 21

Funny, you seem to need it, too.

Jon, let me know when you want to trade for a QB
by: Mark Federov (Ron Popeil)
Aug 21

Nice job drafting 2 kickers. You can never be too safe.

Nick, let me know when you want to trade for a QB
by: Mark Federov (Ron Popeil)
Aug 21

Uh, Byron Leftwich?

$25
by: Izzy Harkleman (1 (800) MIX-ALOT)
Aug 21

Send your moola to:

C/O Bart Lombarchi
1060 West Addison
Salt Lake City, UT 84110

Money due by Sept. 1, 2007 or $5/per day penalty.

For your viewing pleasure
by: Johnny Ryder (Barchi's Chin)
Aug 21

Pre-season game? Yes.

High injury risk? Yes.

Potential top 5 RB this year? Yes.

watch it and be insanely jealous of the fact he is sitting on my bench.

as you where?

Johnny or Ben....
by: Sammy Walton (snooze)
Aug 22

don't suppose either of you are willing to part with TO or Romo?

just in case you were wondering...
by: Sammy Walton (snooze)
Aug 22

my team was a lot worse last year and still made it to the finale, so contain yourselves.

well, well, well
by: Ben Wiltonsburg (Constantently)
Aug 22

it looks like the computer gave me another challenging team this year....but I'm up to it. See if any of you can actually step up this year.

Fed, Walton and I could play all season without starting a single QB and still finish ahead of you. Chambers and Bruce? Solid WR core you have there.

Harkleman, you are truly a duck fan....go Joey!!

Miles and Nick, just write your checks out to Ben Wiltonsburg, you can still send them to SLC, but I'll give you my address if you prefer.

Ryder, I didn't know your mom was working the streets up here in CO....maybe she was in the area visiting Walton. I'll tell her you say hi. By the way, have you already made offseason plans when the rest of us are in the playoffs?

Lombarchi, you're starting a Redskins QB?? I'm a Redskins fan and I would never to that. I guess you'll be golfing with Ryder while the rest of us battle it out in the playoffs.

The rest of you, good luck.

Walton you can have Owens, you better offer something good for him, and I'm not talking about Johnny's mom.

Walton
by: Johnny Ryder (Barchi's Chin)
Aug 22

I'm never above trading. Show me your offer, and I'll have a little looksee.

Ben - I hope Colorado is treating you well, and just remember, if that little operation you had on your genitalia has any issues, Trinidad is just south on I-25. Sammy will show you if need be. He has a frequent tranny card I believe.

no Johnny
by: Sammy Walton (snooze)
Aug 23

you go ahead and send me your idea, and don't be a fucking jackass about it. you do know you can only play two running backs, neither huard or green are going to be starters for long if at all (in huard's case), your TE sucks, and you a fag with permanent dent in his chest from attempting to catch a full beer can thrown at yo ufrom 50 ft away. fortunately your lover was there to witness it so you didn't have to explain that one.
yardbird, you understand kitna's past right? Ben is right Mark, in fact i might try it. Ben challooongeeee (decifer that).
Bart i've got nothing for you yet, plus Lori's waking up. manzano tennis team, arrrrrgh.

Re: no Johnny
by: Johnny Ryder (Barchi's Chin)
Aug 23

Whole lot of shit coming from someone with 3 #2 recievers (plaxico gone), JP loserman (max 250 pts this year) and Steve Mcnothing (possibly even less)at QB.

As for Rivers, you may get a few LT scraps, but other than that not much better than either of the two shitbags you have already.

Better hope Willie's knee holds up or you are in for a looooong season....

feel free to contact me when you are in need of one of my RB's.

Ben
by: Sammy Walton (snooze)
Aug 23

i'm trying to work with you but it hard when we both have two good players and can't afford to give them up, i wants my TO though.

Fed
by: Ben Wiltonsburg (Constantently)
Aug 24

you're a punk for taking all the QB's when some of us had no access to internet. You might think you're getting to get some value for your 5 bench QB's, but this one's going to come back and bite you in the ass. I look forward to playing you this fall, putting my two shitty QB's on the bench....and still beating your pathetic 3 WR's and 2 RB's. Good luck with the rest of the fantasy baseball season.....biatch!!

Trade Announcement:

Sammy is the first one to fall prey to Mark's predatory drafting:

Sammy:	Mark:

Plaxico Burress	Philip Rivers
Antonio Gates	LenDale White
Donte' Stallworth	Eric Johnson

Trade Announcement:

Sammy then makes a trade with Ben:

Sammy:	Ben:

Reggie Wayne	Terrell Owens
Shaun Alexander	Ronnie Brown

Money
by: Bart Lombarchi (Frankie Says Relax)
Aug 26

Fed and Wilt have paid.

The rest of you need to get up from the computer and cut the check.

Instead of a $5 a day fine, I vote we just give Mike Walton or Abe's roomie the team/s of anyone who doesn't get their money in by the 4th.

Cheers.

Re: Fed
by: Bart Lombarchi (Frankie Says Relax)
Aug 26

Supply and demand, Wiltonsburg. If you don't like it move to Russia.

I mean, sure it appears unseemly to us. Maybe if we were in his shoes we wouldn't offer Chad Pennington and a bottle of Ryder's Pubic Lice shampoo for Marvin Harrison. But we're not and he did. The Market has spoken.

Sammy?
by: Izzy Harkleman (1 (800) MIX-ALOT)
Aug 27

Hey Ben-- whenever you get a free afternoon could you drive up to Laramie and take the keyboard away from Lori... she must be drunk/high and randomly banging the keys (like Johnny's mom does to drifters) to cause Sam to trade away the #1 TE and (arguably) #1 WR for dogshit. Are you guys trying to make it this easy for me this year?

Its just embarrassing for all of you. Get your shit together.

And STOP trading with Fedy, his actions in this league (along with the reprehensible motion picture decisions Belinda¹ is involved with in Hollywood) are what give Jews a bad name.

Later losers/ high school girls rule.

Re: Sammy?
by: Mark Federov (Ron Popeil)
Aug 28

Harkleman, quit whining. plaxico burress is the #1 receiver like you're the #1 fantasy football player - it just isn't even close.

and speaking of quitting whining, good lord Ben, has this pre-season really been that traumatic? if you're truly in that bad of shape, i'll help you out with some money for therapy. but i'm keeping my QBs. were it that important to you to draft a better QB than young or grossman (and it should have been), you would have made time for the draft that you knew about TWO MONTHS in advance. deal with it.

at least Bart's fine eccles school of business education is standing him in good stead. we will abide by the free Market, gentlemen. this is america.

Constantently
by: Johnny Ryder (Barchi's Chin)
Aug 28

Seriously? Deshaun and Grossman??

Next time just airmail a piece of shit.

And, make sure you make it out to Federov.

Re: Constantently
by: Ben Wiltonsburg (Constantently)
Aug 29

Sorry Johnny, that was a little Federov-esque of me to offer you crap for one of your good players....you'll have to excuse me, his 30 trade offers of mediocre QB's must have rubbed off on me.

Speaking of....Fed, now that I have returned from Siberia and have regular access to internet, I applaud you for your clever draft scheme. (you'll have to excuse me for over-reacting) I mean, who can blame you for coming up with a new strategy after last year's debacle? What were you...0-7 before disappearing from the message boards?

I'm not sure why I'm even concerned seeing that I cruised to the championship last year with a team primarily composed of players picked up off waivers (including my TWO starting QB's). So I wish you the best of luck with your one strong QB and 4 mediocre QB's. Let's just hope they stay healthy. I mean, Chad Pennington get hurt? Never. Eli Manning having a shaky year? Never.

I gotta go start getting my gold and black body paint on for Saturday's big game.

see ya,
The Defending Champion

Re: Constantently
by: Sammy Walton (snooze)
Aug 30

Ben that's not funny, he's only going to grad school there (as Jackie² did, well cu-denver) don't you dare show up on the west side of that stadium. and if you do let it only be because the ticket says you have to. kyle bell's back and you're all in trouble buff-a-hoes. (i just can't get past that).
CSU 56, cu 6
hawkins 5-11 190lbs frame beaten like a Federov, bell a dontrell moore like 210 and 3tds (with a couple bvp and mcdougle-esque run-overs), and all cu fans suffering through another season as the worst team in major college football.
i'll be back to abuse all of your personal lives next week..
a quick quote from yardbird on his strategy for bowling, "Sammy, i'm just going to throw it hard and down the middle, and see what happens"

Ahem... point of clarification, please.
by: Izzy Harkleman (1 (800) MIX-ALOT)
Aug 30

The University of Colorado does not equal Naropa "university".

Although, admittedly, Naropa does regularly hand CSU its ass in the annual chant-off competition and for how many rich attending students from Connecticut hate their rich parents.

Re: Ahem... point of clarification, please.
by: Abe Harkleman (Henry's 9 babies)
Aug 30

All this CO talk reminds me of the glory days back in 2002 when Metro State proudly took home the Division 2 Basketball Championship.. Riots in the streets, you should have seen it.

Sammy, yes High School girls are the best. Seen the new Realworld? Damn.

Ben
by: Izzy Harkleman (1 (800) MIX-ALOT)
Aug 30

My Naropa words earlier today may have been a little harsh... please accept this as an apology.

Re: Ben
by: Ben Wiltonsburg (Constantently)
Aug 30

Thanks Hark,

That brought a few tears to the eye, and yes, I did feel a chill down my spine.

Even better....check this one.

Yes, that would be the QB making the hit.

I know I haven't mentioned WVU football yet, but don't worry, you'll hear plenty of it. Another weak schedule, preseason #3. Just get used to seeing Pat White and Steve Slaton on ESPN highlights, as it will be a regular occurance.

Walton, don't worry. I can't cheer for both Naropa and CU. That's like cheering for two Pac-10 schools at the same time. Or like cheering for Metro State and Regis University at the same time. My allegiance will always be with the Mighty Dharma.

Go Rams (or anybody else but CU) and Federov is a punk, oops, did I say that out loud? Sorry.

even better
by: Mark Federov (Ron Popeil)
Aug 31

put those simple football clips away. i think we can all agree that this is the greatest youtube clip ever:

Re: even better
by: Ben Wiltonsburg (Constantently)
Aug 31

wow, that was fantastic!

D-I-C-K-E-M-A-N.....Bam!

Hey Miles and Nick, when are you guys coming out of the closet and posting on the message boards?

If I were a couch in Morgantown, I would be very concerned this year.

Trade Announcement:

Izzy makes an inexplicable trade with his brother Abe:

Izzy trades:	Abe trades:

Randy Moss	Vernon Davis
Jeremy Shockey	Deion Branch

Trade Announcement:

Ben finally cuts a deal with Mark for a QB:

Ben trades :	Mark trades:

Lee Evans	Jake Delhomme

it is actually 1-900-Mix-a-lot
by: Jon Garciaparra (testicular fortitude)
Sep 4

to kick those nasty thoughts.
I think 1-800-mix-alot is the number you call to order the anthony ray food processor and beat generator. If you order in the next 24 hours you get a matching set of put-em on the glass juice mugs.

Re: it is actually 1-900-Mix-a-lot
by: Jon Garciaparra (testicular fortitude)
Sep 4

i forgot to mention it also comes with a free set of "Watcher" trading cards.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sir_Mix-a-lot

Re: it is actually 1-900-Mix-a-lot
by: Jon Garciaparra (testicular fortitude)
Sep 4

this one is for Abe.

http://local.live.com/?v=2&cid=AAC4007787524E04!110

Re: it is actually 1-900-Mix-a-lot
by: Izzy Harkleman (1 (900) MIX-ALOT)
Sep 4

Damn, I got served. Jon wanders by the league for 10 minutes and immediately puts me in my place.

Imagine if he actually paid attention to his team.

Ben: Way to go sticking to your moral compass and at least waiting five days before trading for one of Fedy's ill-begotten QB's... I wonder who you were rooting for in the Battle of Iwo Jima.

Mark: Tell your sister that her movie was a flop and that my band of angry Samoans is coming for her and her crappy, overrated football team³.

Miles/Nick: Who let Timmeeee and Wilco⁴ in this league again?

High school girls are the best.

Money Update
by: Bart Lombarchi (Frankie Says Relax)
Sep 5

Stand Up Dudes:

B-Wilt
Ryder
Federov

Hosers:

iHark
aHark
Nick(Miles)
Miles(Nick)
Garciaparra
SammyWaltonfromfortcollins

Take 10 minutes from your collections of homosexual, Greek pornography and cut the check⁵.

c/o The Eventual League Champion
1060 West Addison
SLC, UT 84110

Re: Money Update
by: Sammy Walton (snooze)
Sep 5

how much? i never got the memo.

Paypal?
by: Abe Harkleman (Henry's 9 babies)
Sep 5

You take paypal? I am lazy and have no stamps, let alone envelopes.

Way to go Jon sticking it to the Hasselbeck look-a-like.

Posse up!

I also like Underground D.J. Fresh Furious Frank and the Phattie Funky Severn. (for Sam)

Video feed from our office
by: Mark Federov (Ron Popeil)
Sep 6

Minutia

¹ Mark's sister. Currently in LA, making sure B movie stars arrive on time to their respective sets. Michigan fan.

² Sammy's wife.

³ Week of Michigan vs. Oregon.

⁴ League participants last year. Didn't participate or post much (See Bowen, Miles).

⁵ Reference to college acquaintance that went to visit his dad during summer break. One day, while his dad was at work, he went rooting through his dad's stuff and found some VHS tapes in the sock drawer. Thinking he was going to view some f**kin' action, he popped the tapes in the VCR and was face to face with the finest gay pornography Greece had to offer. An awkward dinner ensued.