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Commissioner's Note
by: Izzy Harkleman (The Dave Blisses)
Jun 12

George Sr.: [via satellite from prison]
Sorry, some of my students are arguing the significance of the shankbone on the seder plate. But we do not, we do not wag our genitals at one another to make a point.

note draft date/time
by: Izzy Harkleman (The Dave Blisses)
Jun 12

Monday, Aug 25 8:30pm PDT...for god's sake its three months away... make whatever arrangements are necessary for you to be there.

Johnny's mom probably needs the rest anyway.

Re: note draft date/time
by: Johnny Ryder (Barchi's Chin)
Jun 12

August 25th, for those interested in biblical and otherwise mythical history, happens to be my birthday.

Unless the hookers don't show, and the mad dog 20/20 is warm, I cannot say that I will be able to make it.

EDIT: note draft date/time
by: Izzy Harkleman (The Dave Blisses)
Jun 12

NEW: Tuesday, Aug 21 9:30pm PDT...

In honor of Johnny's party...which my invite to must still be in the mail...

If anyone else has a 'valid reason' (hookers only) then speak now.

it's mid june.....
by: Ben Wiltonsburg (Naropa Mighty Dharma)
Jun 18

and fantasy football has begun...fantastic.

I ain't got nuttin to say except somebody other than constantently and snooze better step up this year. by the way Sam, i've already ordered my back to back t-shirts.

so Ryder, this birthday means you're turning 29 and still renting a room out of your lover's house? I hear Fed has a "girlfriend", so your eviction notice may be coming soon, You might want to hit up Bassomale¹, he's looking for a roommate.

Abe, Miles, and Nick, just so you know, we don't run your convoluted system where you get points for tackles and punts. welcome, prepare for some shit-talking because it gets ugly real quick at Bonita².

Laters,
THE defending champion

Game, set, match...
by: Izzy Harkleman (Beaver Beli(e)ver)
Jun 19

http://deadspin.com/sports/college-world-series/college-help s-you-spell-270196.php

Re: it's mid june.....
by: Johnny Ryder (Barchi's Chin)
Jun 21

Yeah, pretty depressing, huh? But it gets even better: I am actually turning 30, and now that I am going back to school, I am effectively doing chores around the house to keep the rent down.

Yup. 30, unemployed grad student, reduced to manual labor to keep the creditors at bay.

Feel free to pass this along to any hot single women you know....

At least I still have all my hair.

Bitchez.

Re: it's mid june.....
by: Izzy Harkleman (I Piss Excellence)
Jun 22

I couldn't tell if Johnny's post was a desperate cry for help, or expertly crafted shot across my bow...

...but, in either eventuality my responses are;

(a) If you meant those comments as a shot at me, I'd like to point out that while I may be 'balding', at least I'm not getting a graduate 'degree' in education... hippie.

(b) If that was a 10:30pm pity party for yourself, I advise you to seek out professional help and take your emo elsewhere. Fantasy football is no place to show weakness. I'm sure Yahoo has plenty of other message boards for talking about feelings.

Izzy (future league champ) is 30...
by: Izzy Harkleman (I Piss Excellence)
Jul 1

Unlike Johnny I don't bemoan my age... I get out there, have a bunch of drinks, dance by myself and kick people.

If you sit through the first 1:30 of my buddy singing to BoyzIIMen (2008 ACL fest participants?) you can see my state... happy birthday to me.

<Link to Izzy dancing and kicking chairs in bar. Redacted to keep Izzy's pasty white countenance from the masses. >

July 20
by: Ben Wiltonsburg (Constantently)
Jul 5

good shit Harkleman. you still got it.

by the way, July 20, since many of you will be in town, we will be having a going away party.

there will be food, drinks, and a bocce tournament, so bring your A game.

-b

...are you girls even trying?
by: Izzy Harkleman (1 (800) MIX-ALOT)
Jul 18

Jeez guys. Its a mere three months from the season and I feel like I'm the only one stirring the pot.

Each of you shall feel my wrath (well, except for 'barchi, and Jon probably) at Ben's Friday night at the tippy-cup table.

The wrath, the wrath of the nun-chucks, b.

P.S. Johnny's mom is a whore.

Re: ...are you girls even trying?
by: Johnny Ryder (Barchi's Chin)
Jul 18

harkleman- 12 hours of driving can make a man reeeeal thirsty. I will be there to tippy cup, bocce ball, and play any other gay games you all want to lose in.

btw- loved the clip, especially the chair kick, and the inevitable turn down you were going to get from the girl at the bar.

Do you find it a hard dating scene as a hobbit?

Re: ...are you girls even trying?
by: Jon Garciaparra (testicular fortitude)
Jul 18

What the Fuck Izzy??? are you calling out the tippy cup haysoos? i thought we were teammates. just for that you and i are having a tippy cup 1-on-1 and i will shut you down like i did Kruger.

Jon 1; Kruger 0
by: Ben Wiltonsburg (Umberto Granaglia)
Jul 19

this is true, I was there when Jon single handedly destroyed Kruger³.....although I do believe Kruger had just jumped off three steps and landed on his repaired/newly torn achilles tendon.....could have affected his game.

Lombarchi, we'll see you there on Friday. I'm not sure any true wop would turn down a good bocce tourney, no matter how big a guilt trip his wife gives him for going.

Ryder, like I said, I'm working on growing 8 inches and gaining 50 pounds of muscle so I can take you down in Wrestlemania II.

Fed, you can ref the bocce tourney, you know, seeing that you are STILL recovering from you ACL surgery we wouldn't want you to re-tear your ACL while bowling.

see you ladies tomorrow.
b

Re: Jon 1; Kruger 0
by: Mark Federov (Ron Popeil)
Jul 25

yeah, ben, i'm not sure if you noticed, but i was undefeated in bocce and running the table until my faithless partner split on me. let's hope that with your move away you don't display the same rapid-fire loss of loyalty to your home state. if you show back up in december with a CU t-shirt, we're going to start calling you Harkleman.

Johnny, how's that welt coming from your clever fair catch of the hurtling dr. pepper?

Sammy, thanks for the lake trip. nothing bad to say about you until you inevitably draft michael vick in the opening round.

Bart, do you even remember what Bonita is out there in mormon country?

he, he, he.... later. losers.
by: Izzy Harkleman (1 (800) MIX-ALOT)
Jul 25

high school girls are the best.

2 new playerz..
by: Abe Harkleman (The Darrent Williams)
Jul 25

Sissy's,

Great little lake trip Sammy, Ben thanks for the cooler of Budweiser.

With the pleasantries out of the way Johnny has heart but still can't catch shit, Izzy and Fed were to worried about arguing with each other to even contend. Everyone do yourselves a favor and grow some balls and catch a Bud from 100ft. then can come and talk to me.

Business is Mikey Walton⁴ and my roommate Craig want in. Craig played MHS Basketball and drove a truck like McFly in Back to the Future. Lets let them in the fun.

Later Losers.
_AH

Up the league to 12?
by: Izzy Harkleman (1 (800) MIX-ALOT)
Jul 27

I gather from Abe's Sammy-esque ramblings that he wants us to add Mark and his roommie Nate. Feelings?

Two words: Joey and Harrington.

I've got a lot of Issues with you people...
by: Bart Lombarchi (Frank Costanza)
Jul 27

First off, sorry I didn't make the big send-off. I was doing important work, like saving my lawn and sweating through several pairs of magic underwear a day.

Secondly, holding a bocce tourney without any eye-ties is insulting. You couldn't have snagged some token, drunken Dago off of Central just for appearances? What a sham.

On to more important matters:

I vote nay for increasing the league on just the numbers alone. 10 people leagues always seem to work better and we'd have to scrap the two QB system, which kind of sucks, but the rest of you hosers seem to enjoy.

If Mike really wants to join, I wouldn't be adverse to swapping him for his brother or our commish.

That said, if Abe's roomie gets in my brother, wife and rabbi would like to play as well.

I got dibs on drafting Bettis this year⁵, Fokkers.

Warmest Regards,

Re: Ive got a lot of Issues with you people...
by: Ben Wiltonsburg (Constantently)
Jul 30

bocce tourney without eye-ties?

I believe there were two Stellini⁶ boys there, showing up right on time at 11pm, and leaving at 3:30am, and of course, finishing up whatever food was leftover in the fridge.

don't worry, you and your mooching brethren were well represented. hope you had fun fixing up your yard, loser.

I got dibs on Stoney Case

An Unrelated Matter
by: Bart Lombarchi (Frankie Says Relax)
Aug 3

Go see Hot Rod. Holy shit that was funny.

i'm in to add two more
by: Sammy Walton (snooze)
Aug 4

but i don't really care.

Mi Vida Loca
by: Izzy Harkleman (1 (800) MIX-ALOT)
Aug 7

Thank you Pat Kruger and your endless time to troll the internet.

Re: Mi Vida Loca
by: Abe Harkleman (The Darrent Williams)
Aug 7

Amazon reader review - "As much as Johnny Tapia⁷ has led a crazy life, the grammar in this book is appalling."

Scoring Changes
by: Bart Lombarchi (Frankie Says Relax)
Aug 18

IMO:

OFF:

QB, +5 pts. at 250 yds.

REC, +5 pts. at 100 yds.

Fumbles lost = -3 pts. (same as INT)

Field goals - 3,3,3,3,5 pts.

DEF:

Sack = 2 pts.

Fumble Rec. = 3 pts.

Touchdown = 6 pts.

Safety = 2 pts.

Giving up more than 35 pts. = -9 pts.

Just my opinion, but I think the first 3 make a lot of sense.

Maybe see you hosers at the draft.

Re: Scoring Changes
by: Johnny Ryder (Barchi's Chin)
Aug 19

I like em, but if were gonna do it we should before the draft.

All of you suck sweaty monkey balls.

scoring changes
by: Izzy Harkleman (1 (800) MIX-ALOT)
Aug 20

as you jackasses wish...

i'm glad that 'barchi is around to deeply consider super important things like the implications of changing DEF safeties from 4 points to 2.

if only we could get him focused on this whole Al-queda thing, i'm sure he could talk them into 47 blue eyed virgins in heaven rather than 70, and clear this whole thing up.

can we please focus on more important things, like who Johnny's mom is banging behind Quarters Liqueur this week?

Minutia

¹Chum from 'bourque.

²Bonita was the name of the street on which several managers shared a house.

³Chum from 'bourque. Deserves his own website.

⁴Close chum of Abe, brother of Sammy.

⁵Concepcion, participant last year, showed up 8 rounds into the draft and then proceeded to draft a recently retired Jerome Bettis with his first live pick.

⁶Two brothers, chums of many of the managers. Very Italian.

⁷Johnny Tapia is a legend in New Mexico. Known to yell, "I love you, Albuquerque" after bouts.