The General Managers

Izzy Harkleman
aka Yardbird or the Commish

 

Biography:

League Commissioner

Known for making "accidental" mid-season stat changes that have changed the outcomes of games from previous weeks.

Pac-10 polygamist. Has automobile with both Arizona (undergrad) and Oregon (Master's in Criminal Justice) stickers.

Master tippy-cupper.

Once, while playing QB in a tackle football game, slammed the ball straight into the ground in anger over perceived illegal blitzing scheme.

His younger brother, Abe, is also in the league.

Ben Wiltonsburg

 


Biography:

Physician in Denver. Moved recently with his wife from Albuquerque.

Last year's champion.

Younger brother currently attending the Naropa Institute in Boulder. Namaste.

Once spent 4 hours in the ESPNZone Vegas bathroom after getting food poisoning at a seafood all-you-can-eat buffet. Namaste.

Has extended family in West Virginia and therefore a natural affinity to the state, its educational institution and moonshine.

Johnny Ryder

 


Biography:

Lives and attends school in Texas.

Longhorn and Eagles fan.

Roommate of Mark Federov.

Has difficulty catching aluminum cans thrown to him from extended distances.

Has never made the playoffs. Often losing out on the last day of the regular season and often by point differentials.

Was Sammy Walton's roommate in college.

Thought the lead singer of Hansen was an attractive gal.

Sammy Walton

 


Biography:

College roommate of Johnny Ryder.

Lives in Fort Collins. Fiercely loyal to CSU. Rumored to masterbate to old game footage of Bradlee Van Pelt.

Dallas Cowboys fan.

His stream of consciousness writing style and use of such phrases as "constantently" instead of "constantly" and "As you where?" instead of "as you were" have lead some in our league to wonder if he's a habitual absinthe drinker.

His testicles work. Proof found in existance of very cute daughter.

Far and away the most competant Fantasy Football player in the league. A savant, really.

Jon Garciaparra




Biography:

Hotshot banker at large, multi-national institution.

Also good at tippy cup.

His testicles also work. Proof found in existance of handsome son.

Once had three kickers on his roster.

Always on the verge of being kicked out of the league due to not fielding a full roster from week to week.

Once vomited after boxing a machine in ESPNZone Vegas.

Mark Federov



Biography:

Owns an indie label in Texas.

Huge fan of the Buffalo Bills and Doug Flutie.

Enjoys very thick chest hair.

Roommate of Johnny Ryder.

Once used the word "rejoinder" on the message boards.

Sister is a movie producer in LA.

Renowned for the fragility of his joints and the numerous times he's shown up to social gatherings on at least one crutch.

Bart Lombacchi

 


Biography:

University of Oregon alum living in Salt Lake City.

Has no defined chin.

Has fragile constitution. If he's not blowing his nose, he's suffering from a catastrophic case of heartburn.

Lost 70% of his hearing attending a GWAR show. Sorry, what?

May or not be employed. No one's really sure. Has claimed at different junctures to be employed in both "computers" and "import/export" ventures.

Once saw the lead singer of Hansen at a concert and commented on how her looks were slipping.

Abe Harkleman




Biography:

New addition to the league in 2007.

Living the dream in Los Angeles, designing t-shirts for Fortune 500 company.

Known to pass out on his parents' lawn only to be woken up by sprinklers at 5AM.

Younger brother to Izzy Harkleman.

Is much more adept at catching beer cans thrown from sizeable distances than Johnny Ryder.

Nick Wentworth




Biography:

New addition to the league in 2007.

Lives in Houston. Having difficulty coping with the humidity.

Miles Bowen




Biography:

New addition to the league in 2007.

Lives inside of Niles' chest, like Kuato from Total Recall.

Physically unable to operate a keyboard.


League History

2006 -

1st - Ben Wiltonsburg

2nd - Sammy Walton

3rd - Bart Lombarchi

2005 -

1st - Sammy Walton

2nd - Izzy Harkleman

3rd - Mark Federov

2004 -

1st - Sammy Walton

2nd - <Not in the League>

3rd - Bart Lombarchi

2003 -

1st - Mark Federov

2nd - Izzy Harkleman

3rd - Johnny Garciaparra


Draft Results


Miles Bowen

 

 

1. (1) LaDainian Tomlinson
2. (20) Chad Johnson
3. (21) Travis Henry
4. (40) Javon Walker
5. (41) Andre Johnson
6. (60) Brett Favre
7. (61) Matt Schaub
8. (80) Marion Barber
9. (81) Santana Moss
10. (100) Benjamin Watson
11. (101) Jamal Lewis
12. (120) Dallas Clark
13. (121) Neil Rackers
14. (140) Tarvaris Jackson
15. (141) Chris Henry
16. (160) David Carr
17. (161) Jacksonville


Bart Lombacchi

 

 

1. (2) Steven Jackson
2. (19) Maurice Jones-Drew
3. (22) Marvin Harrison
4. (39) Roy Williams
5. (42) Hines Ward
6. (59) Todd Heap
7. (62) Ben Roethlisberger
8. (79) Jason Campbell
9. (82) Miami
10. (99) Robbie Gould
11. (102) Carnell Williams
12. (119) Greg Jennings
13. (122) Bernard Berrian
14. (139) Owen Daniels
15. (142) Pittsburgh
16. (159) John Kasay
17. (162) Kurt Warner

Jon Garciaparra

 

 

1. (3) Peyton Manning
2. (18) Steve Smith
3. (23) T.J. Houshmandzadeh
4. (38) Chicago
5. (43) Tony Gonzalez
6. (58) Adam Vinatieri
7. (63) Cedric Benson
8. (78) Thomas Jones
9. (83) Braylon Edwards
10. (98) Jeff Garcia
11. (103) Jason Elam
12. (118) DeAngelo Williams
13. (123) D.J. Hackett
14. (138) L.J. Smith
15. (143) Ronald Curry
16. (158) Carolina
17. (163) Daunte Culpepper

Izzy Harkleman


 

1. (4) Frank Gore
2. (17) Marc Bulger
3. (24) Drew Brees
4. (37) Brandon Jacobs
5. (44) Randy Moss
6. (57) Vincent Jackson
7. (64) Reggie Brown
8. (77) Jeremy Shockey
9. (84) Brandon Jackson
10. (97) Jerricho Cotchery
11. (104) Anthony Gonzalez
12. (117) Chester Taylor
13. (124) Matt Jones
14. (137) Kevin Jones
15. (144) Joey Harrington
16. (157) Randy McMichael
17. (164) Dwayne Jarrett

Nick Wentworth

 

 

1. (5) Larry Johnson
2. (16) Willis McGahee
3. (25) Torry Holt
4. (36) Anquan Boldin
5. (45) Donald Driver
6. (56) Matt Leinart
7. (65) Baltimore
8. (76) Jerious Norwood
9. (85) Alex Smith
10. (96) Santonio Holmes
11. (105) Deuce McAllister
12. (116) Jason Witten
13. (125) Brandon Marshall
14. (136) Vernand Morency
15. (145) Byron Leftwich
16. (156) Green Bay
17. (165) Stephen Gostkowski

Ben Wiltonsburg

 

 

1. (6) Joseph Addai
2. (15) Ronnie Brown
3. (26) Terrell Owens
4. (35) Marques Colston
5. (46) Lee Evans
6. (55) Vince Young
7. (66) Chris Cooley
8. (75) San Diego
9. (86) Rex Grossman
10. (95) Shayne Graham
11. (106) Ahman Green
12. (115) Kevin Curtis
13. (126) Alge Crumpler
14. (135) Jerry Porter
15. (146) Philadelphia
16. (155) JaMarcus Russell
17. (166) Olindo Mare

Sammy Walton

 

 

1. (7) Shaun Alexander
2. (14) Willie Parker
3. (27) Reggie Wayne
4. (34) Antonio Gates
5. (47) Plaxico Burress
6. (54) Calvin Johnson
7. (67) New England
8. (74) J.P. Losman
9. (87) Nate Kaeding
10. (94) Steve McNair
11. (107) Fred Taylor
12. (114) Kellen Winslow
13. (127) Donte' Stallworth
14. (134) Joe Horn
15. (147) Dallas
16. (154) Josh Brown
17. (167) David Garrard

Mark Federov


 

1. (8) Rudi Johnson
2. (13) Carson Palmer
3. (28) Matt Hasselbeck
4. (33) Eli Manning
5. (48) Jake Delhomme
6. (53) Philip Rivers
7. (68) Chad Pennington
8. (73) Clinton Portis
9. (88) Terry Glenn
10. (93) Chris Chambers
11. (108) Tatum Bell
12. (113) LenDale White
13. (128) LaMont Jordan
14. (133) Isaac Bruce
15. (148) Jeff Wilkins
16. (153) Seattle
17. (168) Eric Johnson

Johnny Ryder

 

 

1. (9) Laurence Maroney
2. (12) Brian Westbrook
3. (29) Donovan McNabb
4. (32) Larry Fitzgerald
5. (49) Tony Romo
6. (52) Marshawn Lynch
7. (69) Darrell Jackson
8. (72) Adrian Peterson
9. (89) Trent Green
10. (92) Devery Henderson
11. (109) Joey Galloway
12. (112) Heath Miller
13. (129) Warrick Dunn
14. (132) Eddie Kennison
15. (149) Damon Huard
16. (152) Marcus Pollard
17. (169) Ryan Longwell

Abe Harkleman

 

 

1. (10) Tom Brady
2. (11) Edgerrin James
3. (30) Jay Cutler
4. (31) Reggie Bush
5. (50) Deion Branch
6. (51) Jon Kitna
7. (70) Laveranues Coles
8. (71) Denver
9. (90) Mike Bell
10. (91) Vernon Davis
11. (110) Jason Hanson
12. (111) Mark Clayton
13. (130) Julius Jones
14. (131) Muhsin Muhammad
15. (150) Tony Scheffler
16. (151) David Akers
17. (170) David Martin

 

League Settings

Playoffs: Week 14, 15 and 16 (6 teams)

Roster Positions: QB, QB, WR, WR, WR, RB, RB, TE, K, DEF, BN, BN, BN, BN, BN, BN, BN

Stat Categories: Passing Yards (15 yards per point; 5 points at 250 yards)

Passing Touchdowns (6)

Interceptions (-3)

Rushing Yards (10 yards per point; 5 points at 100 yards)

Rushing Touchdowns (6)

Reception Yards (10 yards per point; 5 points at 100 yards)

Reception Touchdowns (6)

Fumbles Lost (-3)

Field Goals 0-19 Yards (3)

Field Goals 20-29 Yards (3)

Field Goals 30-39 Yards (3)

Field Goals 40-49 Yards (3)

Field Goals 50+ Yards (5)

Point After Attempt Made (1)

Sack (2)

Interception (3)

Fumble Recovery (3)

Touchdown (6)

Safety (2)

Block Kick (2)

Points Allowed 0 points (15)

Points Allowed 1-6 points (9)

Points Allowed 7-13 points (6)

Points Allowed 14-20 points (4)

Points Allowed 21-27 points (2)

Points Allowed 28-34 points (0)

Points Allowed 35+ points (-7)

 

 

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